Above is a picture of my youngest son Caleb Christian. My greatest desire for his life is for him to treasure Christ above all but the outworking of such a desire I find very challenging. Why? Because there are other things that I want for him also but those things are neither bad nor good in and of themselves but can impede the Gospel very easily. Things such as; college education, a nice family, a good paying job are neither bad nor good but can become idols in a blink of an eye.
Then there is safety. But this to can become impeding. Just as I want to protect him from a hot stove, or sticking something in a socket, or falling off a table, or even getting hit by a car from dashing in the street after a ball. I want to protect him socially and economincally. We are in the suburbs for safety (an illusion of safety anyway) I protect him from certain forms of entertainment or at least the vulgar ones. There are certain family members who he will not stay all night with because of their lifestyles. But in all of these he can mistake suburban life with Christianity like many of our evangelical brothers and sisters. He can mistake morality for Christianity and thus the Gospel will never have an opportunity to take root in his heart. He can mistake a good family for a Godly family and I don’t want that either.
Then there is the challenge of raising him within the context of what we call race. Nationality distinctions are huge in America so this poses another challenge. Back in my pro-black days I read a book called “The Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys“. I still think it is as relevant today as it was then. I want to show him Roots, Rosewood, talk about the social injustices but within a Christian framework in which I mean in a redemptive framework. First understanding that slavery, Jim Crow, and the current social and economic injustices are an outworking of Adam’s sin as he is our Federal Representative. That because of sin and a fallen world people engage in all types of wickedness and that through Christ and the Gospel we can continue to shed light and spread salt in this broken world.
As it relates to morality I want to be able to love on sinners as Christ does. There is a great post by my good friend Charles P on dealing with Drug Addicts and loving them in spite of their addiction. I want him to see those who are broken by sin and offer them life changing power of the Good News of Christ. I don’t want him to turn his nose up at the wicked but understand apart from God’s grace he would easily be counted in the number. I want him to understand that Mom and Dad aren’t good enough and that our trust isn’t in our morality but in the work of Christ. But at the same time I don’t want to put him in harms way. There is a thin line and it causes much tension in my life. My eldest son Lionel Jr. Has given in to many of these pressures and some of that can be due to an over exposure by his mom but I don’t know.
Finally I want him to understand the scripture and the meta narrative of redemption through Christ. I don’t want him to be confused by Veggie Tales and nice Moral stories of Noah’s Ark or David and Goliath or Sampson and the Phillistines or the Red Sea, or Jonah. I want him to see God’s judgement on sin in each of these and the way these stories point to the Lord Jesus. I don’t want him to have a Christian baseball team, or a Christian Basketball team, or a special Christian table at school where there is this subculture in which instead of engaging the culture he retreats.
So how is this to be done? By much prayer because the role of a Christian father is difficult and impossible apart from the Holy Spirit giving me a supernatural work of Grace. I want to discipline with Godly motives, I want to love him without making him an idol, I want to expose him without feeding him to the sharks and I want him to love others without becoming humanistic in his theology. So I know I can’t do this and that only by the regenerating work of the Spirit will God do this. I want him to remain a virgin and good grades and not be involved in criminal activity, but only God can provide such guidance and wisdom. I realize that Proverbs are good wisdom and not promises. I also understand my responsibility in all of these things and that’s what is scary.
So I ask for prayers for both of my sons Lionel and Caleb. I pray that I will raise a man who is conscience of his ethnicity while simultaneously not allowing it to have any bearing on his Christianity, knowing that there is no Jew nor Greek but also realizing that John saw people of all nations worshipping the Lamb. I want to raise a moral man with integrity but not one who has mistaken it for genuine conversion. Finally I want to raise a man who believes in the power of the Gospel that causes him to love his wife, neighbor and his world while not allowing them to infringe upon the proclamation of the Gospel. So I covet your prayers as this is one of many things that keep me up late at night.
Wow! That is beautifully written. Yesterday we celebrated with our eldest his 40tieth birthday.
God has given us the greatest gift a Christian parent could have which is three godly kids and three godly in-laws.
When my eldest daughter was in high school I overheard her talking with a friend, “I think I haven’t dated because my mom always just prayed that we would walk with God.” Today she is married to a godly man and they have two girls. I always figured if they followed Jesus then He would guide them to everything else. He did.
I love your heart. God has led me down many interesting paths as He has taught me about raising children. When I was your age I kept crying out to God to show me how to raise up our children so they would not just walk with Him but they would be fully committed to Him in all ways. If you would be interested in reading one story of what God taught me go here http://kidtrek.org/white/ and scroll down to the White Paper on Competiton. The story I mentioned is on page 4 of the White Paper.
I have prayed for your boys. May the Lord bless you and your family and use each of you in His Kingdom.
Thank you. I want to provide a link and the excerpt to the paper if possible. I cringed inside from the story and the three things we must do. This is unbelievable.
I would be honored if you gave a link.
Take a look at our ministry blog too - Missionaries to America. I think it would touch a cord with you.
http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/
The blog shows our passion and the vision we believe the Lord has given us to reach the Invisible Children of America. I have worked with children and their families for many many years.
Great piece bro….I have the same general concerns for my own boys who are now 8 and 10.
There is much to say. But, mainly - be a shepherd in your home who is always leading and pointing your family to Christ. Teach them the gospel (always) and to think biblically….to “not be wise in their own eyes, but fear the Lord and shun evil.” Be thoughtful (as you have obviously already been) and intentional about your how you structure you lives, your plans, your activities - prioritize what matters most to God and his kingdom. Teach him to love the Church, to be respectful to authority, to work hard for God’s glory, to be a good and wise steward of all God gives, to be discerning, to choose friends well, to love wisdom and knowledge, to love all people, to live in light of eternity….to love God with all their mind, heart, soul, and strength.
Christianity is moral, but it is a Christ and God centered morality that is rooted in the grace of God. So, don’t be afraid to teach them character, but always give them the “why” - keeping the gospel central - which will help them to search their hearts and motives.
I worry about my black boys all the time. It makes me ashamed of my culture that our morality has sunk so low. But, I have a God who keeps and sustains and whose grace is unfathomable. So, I trust him, protect my children, teach them, expose them (as appropriate), and pray, pray, pray for wisdom, for God’s grace, and for focus to be faithful.
Let’s pray for all Christian parents seeking to raise godly children in this wicked and alduterous generation…
Q
Good article. I pray this for my son every night. I pray that the Lord would save him at whatever cost He see’s fit and from there all else is secondary. If he is the Lord’s then the Lord will guide him. God Bless
Ditto on that, Brah…..
RRR
Good post Lionel….
This is reminds me of the times when I read and expose the scriptures to my sons each night. You can do this with them. Their ears are so open to the Gospel message. My oldest son Isaiash looks forward some nights to hearing the words from scripture as he says “Come on daddy, you read the bible!”. We just gotta be real when it comes to letting them know who Jesus Christ is. Pray with your boys man and live Christ before them. In Christ
Karsten
Why do you want him to remain a virgin? All the other qualities are fine, and I appreciate that you do not want him to be overly promiscuous and become a father at a young age, but if he’s in love with a girl and she loves him back and they know what they are doing, why would you want to stop that?
Hey Ed that is a good question. Let answer with a three questions.
1. Does sex before marriage gel with the Christian faith
2. What usually happens to individuals once they break up but have been sexually active?
3. Is sex the ULTIMATE expression of love?
Thank you for the post brother, and your heart for your son. My wife and I have four children, three boys (15, 12, 3) and a girl (9). The season we are in with our oldest is particularly challenging as he wrestles through the transition from adolescence to adulthood. We believe his faith in Christ to be real, and therein lies our hope as parents.
One bit of practical advice I would offer as you shepherd your son is to always show him how gracious God is in exposing his sin. We do it with all of our children, and we see it bearing particular fruit in the life of our oldest. A constant refrain of ours when they are caught in sin is that God loves them too much to allow them to continue unhindered in their sinful behavior. That the Lord exposes their sin to us is God’s grace to them.
This, of course, is only one aspect of shepherding our children, but discipline is never easy. And seeing the light go on in my 15 year old where he can so embrace Christ’s love for him that he humbly submits to correction (and even suggests some pretty good corrective actions for his behavior) makes us praise God.
Be encouraged Lionel. The Lord is at work in your family, and obviously in your heart.
Irwyn
Amen, brother Lionel! This should be the call for all Christian men to be the spiritual leaders of their homes. Sadly too few are so engaged in their homes.
I can also appreciate the need to teach ethnic heritage from a Christ-centered standpoint. Too often we all teach pride in ethnicity without the humility of Christ.
Lionel,
This is a well written, inspiring post. We have so much in common. I, myself, have two boys and have similar desires as you do for your boys.
Your post is really a prayer if I may interpret it that way. It speaks profoundly of a heart of a godly father.
Blessings,
Lou
Mr. Woods great article. My prayer is that your son become the godly man that you have envision him to be.