I happened to come a cross an article today that sort of troubled me a bit. The article is about the current plight of black women. I must say the article is rather thought provoking and as you read it you truly have a burden. But as a Christian and not only that a Black Reformed Male Christian who happens to be a husband and a father, I couldn’t get past this quote:
‘Backbone of the black family’
The president of the Urban League, a 98-year-old black empowerment organization, hailed women as “the backbone of the black family” — constantly surmounting obstacles. Marc Morial called for expansion of programs that would assist black women in starting businesses, protect more of them from predatory lending schemes, and provide more of them with affordable, high-quality child care.“When black women hurt, the American family suffers,” Morial wrote. “But by uplifting black women, especially those struggling hardest to keep their families together and their dreams on track, we lift up every American community.”
A year ago, the Urban League focused its State of Black America report on the difficulties facing many young black men, including their high rates of crime and imprisonment. This year’s theme was welcomed by black women who believe their particular concerns often are overlooked.
“I’m heartened that we’re delving into this issue in depth in a way that we haven’t in the past,” said Avis Jones-DeWeever, a public policy expert with the National Council of Negro Women.
“For us, it’s two steps forward, one step back,” she added. “But we do have a lot to be proud of.”
I immediately thought about the picture below. If you can read the caption that accompanies it.
The qoute in the article that caugt my attention the most was this:
When black women hurt, the American family suffers,” Morial wrote. “But by uplifting black women, especially those struggling hardest to keep their families together and their dreams on track, we lift up every American community.”
As I look over my life and the community I grew up in. This statement rings with utter clarity and truthfulness. If you watch movies by Tyler Perry, movies like Soul Food, Waiting to Exhale, Boys in the Hood, Menace to Society, and other such movies, they all convey the same message. The role of fatherhood and black male leadership is nowhere to be found. I could come to expect this from the world, but the problem is, go to 100 black churches and bring me back the ratio of men (not males, I am saying adults here) to women and see what you get. What is true of the culture is true of the church. Man are nowhere to be found.
Now you may be saying “oh Lionel who really cares” the answer is that GOD DOES! We see this truth throughout scripture. The biblical family is to be a patriarchal family which is about as far as the sun is from earth in black families. The strength and core and “backbone” of the family is to be the father! Lets start with Adam (1 Timothy 2), Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua and David. Then Paul comes along and lays the responsibility of training the children in one little verse that is packed with truth in Ephesians 6:
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
And again if we look at the role of the husband as laid out in Ephesians 5 we see a charge given to husbands that the wife’s charge doesn’t even nip the heel of! The husband plays the role of Christ! The wife plays the role of the Church and the two responsibilities are worlds apart. I just want you to read it again:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Christ beared an enormous cross and husbands are charged to the same here. No where will you see the wife given the imperative to “love her husband as Christ loves the church”. This article should drive us to our knees brothers. If you are a black man you should spend even more time. The media, Hollywood, and sociologist believe that we are an endangered species I do know we make up about 40% of the prison population in this nation and only 13% of the total population. This is huge folks. It is also estimated that roughly 69% of blacks are born into single homes (unwed mothers). This is alarming when compared to 22-24% for whites. The black church has to quite allowing such things to go uncovered.
Here comes to part I hate…. The problem isn’t social programs, the problem is the gospel and a new heart. All things flow from that. Way too many blacks live together, are blatantly sexually immoral, and the church says nothing to them. You here feel good, pull yourself up sermons, while AIDS, undercover brothers, unwed mothers, planned parenthood and other such things plagues our community. It is so funny how Christianity turned Rome upside down and they didn’t have airplanes, IPODs, Cars, telephones, Internet or other great technologies that allow us to communicate the GOSPEL at faster rates and with greater clarity. Not only that we have the completed word of God! Now some of you are going to come on here and say “silly little boy, young naive boy, you just don’t know the church just isn’t the answer”. I will say “silly professing Christian, the Roman moral climate was obliterated by the Gospel!”
Safe Sex conferences, early childhood development, better books in schools, more money funding inner city schools, and the like may make people more moral and get them out of their economic condition, but my friend look at the wealthy. Halle Berry, Britney Spears sister, Nicole Richie, and those guys have wealth at their disposal and it has done nothing for them. Absolutely nothing. So what they kids have a LV baby carriage, if they don’t know the Gospel they will only perpetuate such sinful patterns of life and to make it clear, the rise of wealth amongst blacks haven’t done much in improving the area of black families either. I see just as many pregnant professionals that are unwed (thus no father being around) they just have access to better STUFF!
If the Gospel is to be proclaimed and the responsibility falls on the father then we have to be more aggressive in discipling and training black men to be Godly Men! Men who love God, men who understand their purposes as husbands. Men that will understand the high call of the Gospel that a new heart is required, not religious conformity, but help them understand what it means to be truly regenerate! Theology has to be proclaimed and the Gospel announced with clarity. We don’t need more okedoke sermons about wealth, prestige, we don’t need more motivators we have enough of that in our bookstores and on “christian” television. We need strong men in the pulpits that will proclaim the excellencies of Jesus Christ and the “narrow road” that He proclaimed. Christ has given us all we need by ascending on the right hand of the Father, lets take what He has given us and make disciples. The black family will continue to me undermined by the “strong black woman” if we as men don’t step it up. We may be too busy arguing about things that should be left for seminary classrooms, while simultaneously ignoring a HUGE MISSION FIELD that is within driving distance of us. I leave you with some verses that move me whenever I read them found in Acts 20:
26 Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all of you, 27 for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. 28 Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. 29 I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; 30 and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. 31 Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears. 32 And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33 I coveted no ones silver or gold or apparel. 34 You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me. 35 In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Hi b an r,
I read this today too-thanks for sharing. I agree that it regards the “heart of the matter”. It is so sad that the family structure is really off the mark in the Black community.
Nonetheless, I believe that it takes both genders, along with God of course-to make things right…
Mr.Wood you know In earlier generations, black men were much more involved in the church, and their religious faith bolstered their commitment to families and neighborhoods. I think one of the most effective ways to reduce black crime, and to strengthen black families, may be to return African-American men to their spiritual roots. I don’t know how we can do it.
Black women have to stop thinking that they can do what they were never program for, that is to raise boys to be men. Like your article states that charge was given to the husband. Pastors need to preach that living together before marriage is sin and it’s not acceptable. How you going to ask a Holy God to bless your family when you all are living in sin. I am sick of this baby daddy and baby mama mess. What happen to father and mother.
We don’t have men in church just like we don’t have them in the home. The home reflects the church in a lot of ways. These two places woman should not be heading but they are I agree that something got to be done. Mr. Woods this is a great article.
Hey Righter and Ms. Brock,
I agree that both are critical to proper development of the family, but I also believe that men play a critical role in pastoring their families. The Puritans were huge on this. Thanks for the kind words Ann!
Homerun homie!!! Great article. I mustr admit I am a bit torn on the issue though. Like Paul appealed to all but had in a separate category-a love as well for his brothers according to the flesh and I feel you to a degree. I was just fighting black women at my job tonight about this issue. My boss is a black woman and screams from the top of her lungs that she needs no MAN!! Her bitterness and bad decision making has blinded her to reality. Not saying she needs a man but Ann said it best, “Black women have to stop thinking that they can do what they were never programmed for, that is to raise boys to be men. AMEN AMEN AMEN. We got a bunch of little boys running around masquerading as men. They got everyone fooled!! And when they see Real MEN standing up for the Truth and integrity of God’s infallible, sufficent, great Word-they call him a BIGOT, MALE CHAUVANIST AND MORE!!!The remedy is always CHRIST CHRIST CHRIST and stems from a heart issue. Christ transformes those that are His to His image. Ephesians 5 is such a convicting scripture. God has a high calling for us brother as husbands and even as fathers. To Much given-much required. We have a task brother, I don’t know what it entails but it is mighty-AND YOU KNOW THIS!!
Good morning b and r,
I agree that Black men should indeed take the lead in our homes in communities. However, I am one that looks at what both genders contribute-or fail to- and Black women are famous for complaining about problems that they have helped to create.
Thanks again
Ms. Brock,
The “baby daddy and baby mama” is a mess…
So,
Would anyone here dare to say that families outside of the black race with whole families intact have anything to do with the problem?
No G,
Ownership is key to resolution. Thus, those who are faced with the problem (s) are also tasked with finding viable solutions. Sometimes that means seeking outside resources, but the blame game should not be played.
Ok
Let me break it down a bit further, sis….
No one’s saying black men need not take ownership of the problem….but on the same token, I don’t believe that it’s squarely on their shoulders regarding the mess we’ve seen.
http://emissary7.wordpress.com/2007/11/21/proclamation-4-black-men-men-in-general-rise-uprather-than-leaving-women-to-fight-alone/
IMHO, TOO often those with the privelage of seeing what a healthy family looks like will never take the time to enter into the lives of those who lack it & show male guidance. They simply sit back, look at the problems, & say “Blacks need to deal with it. Where are the BLACK MEN AT?”…..when the reality is that it’s the responsibility of MEN—-REGARDLESS OF COLOR/RACE—to CARE FOR THE FATHERLESS.
As David Prowlison once said, “Diagnosis proceeds Cure”……..& in my humble opinion, the issue of the disentragation of the Black family is more than something which Blacks alone are responsible. Everyone has had a hand in this, paticularly MALES…..and more specifically, THE CHURCH when it comes to MALE LEADERSHIP BEING REPLACED WITH WOMEN!!!!
Read the WOrd of God & one will quickly discover that both the Hebrew and OT/NT society UNDERSTOOD their roles on the lives of children deprived of male leadership. ANd Scripture is laced with a call to care for those outside the bounds of a “normal family”.
As a youth worker/deacon myself, I’m amazed at the effects that take place when those who know what it means to be men get involved in lives of black males without it. And even if the men weren’t black themselves, it was powerful nonetheless.
I was fortunate enough to have that myself/witness the difference. Growing up as single child, with a mother who was a foreigner & trying to make it through med-school, I was raised predominately by Godly women…..& though the Lord did TOO MANY AMAZING THINGS IN OUR LIVES, it was still different not having any male leadership in my life.,….OR BEING ACCUSTOMED TO NOT OFTEN SEEING IT IN CHURCH.
When I got that, however, in the form of my step-father & other godly mentors later in life, it was amazing to see how much I developed.
They didn’t have to do so……..& many of them could’ve easily stepped back/watched my situation…enjoying the “positive family structures” they were privelaged to experience while simply saying of mine that it was a “Black Problem” & that we needed to help ourselves. But thank Heavens that they choose to get involved in my life…..despite their own issues or the children/families they were already raising….& realized the importance/duty of the local church/society to provide an imprint of MANHOOD for those in our community who lacked man in their lives.
Again,
If you’d like more info to see where I’m coming from, go here…..as it illustrates that by NO MEANS am I saying black men are not responsible or are absolved from their responsiblities….but the hands of black men are not the only ones which are “dirty”.
http://emissary7.wordpress.com/2007/11/21/proclamation-4-black-men-men-in-general-rise-uprather-than-leaving-women-to-fight-alone/
No offense intended, but I’m surprised you of all people are shocked/labeled me with the “blame game” term, especially seeing how often you claimed that the many problems within the black church have to deal with issues such as slavery/lack of education…..but again, that’s just me
Hey G,
I didn’t label with you anything! Are you having a bad day???
G,
Do not take my post personal as it was a blanket statement regarding the issues that plague the Black community.
I still hold that present day issues can be traced back and I have not waivered.
But, I say that both men and women will have to take responsibility for current day issues in order to resolve them.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Chill brother, I am not the enemy…
Never said you were the enemy, sis…..and by no means am I not in chill mood. If that’s not being seen, however, my bad.
I believe we’ve had a simple miscommunication on some things, that’s all….and again, I’m all for the stance that both men/women have to “man up” regarding the situation.
To make certain we’re on the same page, what is it that you believe I was trying to say/get across in my original post/question (if you checked out the link)
Gm G,
I hadn’t read the link I just responded to the question. However, I will read it and get back with you.
“All’s well that ends well”…
I’ve read the article G and it is good. I actually think I read it when it was first posted.
I am not disagreeing about the fact that “some” Black men are clueless and irresponsible.
I simply do my best not to get involved in “male bashing” and try to look at all possible causes.
As the article stated, women have a hard time raising boys to be men. As I have stated on numerous occasions, many Black women enable the men which helps to encourage irresponsibility. How many sisters do you know that hook up with non-working-got-a-plan brothers?
It’s good to have P-O-T-E-N-T-I-A-L, but it does not pay the bills.
How many brothers do you know that refuse to work because they are trying to get a business off the ground and as a result, need the financial backing of a sister to do so? Then, when the sister refuses to give up the cash, she is selfish and unsupportive.
How many brothers do you know who want a business, but refuse to go to agencies like the SBA to learn the ends and outs, especially in business planning and i the imporatnce of having a cash reserve to cover expenses until the business gets up and running?
See my point? I could go on and on about what men don’t do, what women don’t do, etc. However, I think that is more beneficial to identify the problem and move to a solution, which means that both genders will have to be equally responsible for success in the home.
Again, both genders have had some sort of negative contribution to the condition of our households.
Lionel, I am so thankful to God for you. I fall so short of loving my wife as Christ. I am so selfish. I fall so short of training my son in the Lord. I am so impatient. So before I say, “Those black men over there need help,” I must first confess, “This black man is the chief of sinners.” May God grant much grace through our Great High Priest, and may my home and every home be reformed to his glory.
Hey Lionel,
Interesting article. Very “insight full”. we don’t have a very measurable black community here in western Colorado, (unless your actualy looking). And I will say this. The Caucasian and Hispanic community here does a fine job of not pastoring their families. It is really sad.
What wretched men we are who think that we are any different–apart from Christ.
Thanks!
A Lion Has Roared!
read the article, alot of good points are presented however,
I believe that women may be the church we as men need to do the RIGHT thing! we get caught up in our own STUFF ( sports, hobbies and the like) and rely on our women to take care of us ( the kid that never leaves home know what I`m sayin??) We are suppose to be the intermediators in the eyes of God biblically and not only that ( its states that in Islam)WE ( men ) are responsible for the steward ship of not only ourselves but for the children as well. Can any of you ( men) REALLY deal with that?? I have 2 grown kids they are doing alright for themselves but I ( meaning ME) didnt do the right thing spiritually for them or by them! Those of us that have offsprings ( children will be dealt with on the day of Judgement ( that really scares the crap out of me !!) Brother thanks for pointing this out I prayfully Hope that your article clubs a few more folks about our situation Keep up the great work and may God bless you .I am getting my stuff together with my maker in part to your article!!
Thanks Coffeedriven! I am glad that it is encouraging someone.
I love this article….I am 22, a new undergraduate, a mother, and not married….I am struggling with a constant everyday battle… me and my son’s father have been living together for almost three years, with the intention for us to get married after his graduation from college this year. Sometimes I don’t think we will last ..I don’t want to break up my family because my son needs his father and I need God’s blessing but my Boyfriend will not marry me! How do I go on like this… do I just move out or stay?
Hey Ebony,
Hit me up when you get a chance
lionelwoods@gmail.com. I would love to point you to some Godly women who can help you out or even talk to you for a brief second. God bless.